So picture the scene. I'm sat alone in a well lit room tripping of my tits on caffeine, and wonder why the fuck there's nothing of interest on the internet. Suddenly after staring for a moment at the hat that is worth more than my bollocks, I remember a blog of a certain Mr D. I read it, laugh, and decide to write this spoof.
Just several hours ago I had 80+ fresher minions all relying of me for road safety and passage to more alcohol. We promise them a game involving condoms and a carrot, sadly this never comes for fruition.
To do this spoof justice, this paragraph needs to contain something neurotic, awkward and just a little bit of an over-share. The only story of the night that seems to fit the bill is one which I don't care to go into, so you'll have to make do with the admission that my paranoia has made me decide that I've ballsed something up, despite there being no direct evidence too suggest such.
"Excuse me, but is this the way to the toilet?" says one fresher. This is because I realised that this spoof does not work unless I stick quotes everywhere.
As you can tell by now, I'm not much of a blog writer. I will leave you with this promise though: had I chosen to tell the story of tonight, and tell it in my own way, it would be far more interesting. That, and it would contain far more commas.
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